RTT: I Need Sexual Healing Or Something Else That Heals

So in my absence I have:
- Moved
- Watched my Melodrama go under the knife and come out perfect -- sans the 8 inch scar on her back
- Made new friends, said fuck old friends, and hung out with old friends that I haven't seen in ages
- Tried to make my in-laws understand that my daughter is MY daughter -- not theirs.

I have also semi-tried to conquer my extreme fear of bridges, gotten back on my daily dose of anxiety medication to deal with everything going on, basically wanted to scream and yell and pitch a fit to the head of the whatever in the Air Force that - yet again - fucked us; it's been one hellacious past few weeks.

I have dearly missed my weekly blogging, and the immense joy I receive from reading the amazing-ness that I follow.

I applied for several jobs; One I actually get to use my degree for, one that I would rather die than do, one that requires me to go back to school for a short period of time in Ferriday (which I seriously doubt Husband will let me do), and one that I would LOVELOVELOVE to try.

I am craving tamales thanks to the new restaurant in town that we've eaten at two day in a row and I can't seem to stop drooling about.

I got a new pair of winter boots -- ones that do not include a hole cut into the toe because my Grandmother is a tish bit nutty. I am pretty excited to wear them tomorrow (cue me asking everyone to will this awful rain away) and I hope that Husband doesn't make fun of them like my other pair that are sitting in a box that I can't seem to find.

House hunting fucking blows ass. The end.

I am trying very hard not to murder anyone, so people that know me - pray extra hard to whatever you believe in that I succeed in this new endeavor.. also, pray that we find a house, a couple of jobs, and a new drive-thru to get extra large sodas at; Hammer's pissed me off tonight.

Now, that you've read my RTT for the week, get your ass over to The Unmom and do it yourself next week.


GO!



Um, stop reading and do it MEOW!

Pizza isn't comfort food when it makes you violently ill..

Today, like the rest of the past few weeks, has been insane. Here is a little bit of a recap of today that pretty much mirrors the last two weeks, and will project on to the rest of this month:

Melodrama had the entire house up before morning Taps to pile into our extremely depressing car and drive two hours to Atlanta. If you live in Georgia, or have ever been to Atlanta, you understand. It wasn't exactly my dream morning.
We get to 400, and BAM! - traffic. Lots and lots of traffic. Of course Ass-band wasn't exactly helpful; Why would he be when he knows I'll just put on my Super Mom cape and do everything with a smile?

So after dealing with a missing doll, cup, and stray M&M, we finally get there.


OHMYallegoryforgodDUDE!!!!! They have full-time super cool therapy dogs that just sit on really funky couches next to massive fish tanks all day. Melodrama was so excited about life at the moment of eye contact with the animals that we spent 30 minutes standing around in a massive lobby with a volunteer and several other screaming children. Cue anxiety hives, exhaustion, migraine, and general unhappiness. Now, to elaborate, I love my daughter more than I love caffeine, right? I don't love crowds, screaming and squealing noises from well over a dozen children, and I'm allergic to dogs.
Yes, the dogs were amazingly friendly and over-enthusiastic about my toddler hanging from their necks, the fish were gorgeous, and the volunteer that lead us to Lab was super understanding of Melodrama's ADHD. No, I wasn't having a good time - especially when there were other mothers there trying to ask me strange and semi-personal questions.

"How old is your daughter? You look exceptional for a young mother."
"How did you lose all the baby weight?"
"How do you keep your piercings in?"

To answer your extremely nosy questions, Mom-zillas:

- She's two; Yes, I'm pretty banging for a young Mom.
- I don't sit on my ass eating cupcakes and Twinkies all day. I get up off my lazy ass and stay moving ALL DAY. Thanks for the compliment - albeit it wasn't delivered in a very considerate fashion.
- I just fucking do.

All in all, Melodrama came out two vials of blood lighter, 20 + stickers and band-aids more decorated, and exhausted both myself and Ass-band. It was a rather eventful day that I can't even continue typing for fear of reliving it in my mind and becoming even more wiped out.


I get home to e-mails that won't wait - nice right? I am now going to be hosting a very awkward visit from my Dad and my Step-Mom. This should make for one hella fantastic blog when I return from the land of Children's Hospital of Atlanta next week sometime.

Melodrama just informed me that I should be cleaning up her mess thanks to Ass-band; I guess I should get on that now.


Anyone have any M&M's I can give her to quell the screaming and running around? hehe.. yeah.

RTT: Oops I Taught Her To Cuss

I've decided to go ahead and do my RTT tonight. I have been too busy for words to possibly describe lately, and I've missed out on blogging about a lot of things.

I have to go back to Atlanta tomorrow. I have to watch Melodrama go under the knife on Monday. Wow. That's a lot for me to fathom right now; I mean, come on, she's only two!

I actually got excited today when Maintenance came to "fix my roof" - until I noticed all they did was spray a 2% Clorox© solution on the ceiling to hide the stains and leave. Thanks for nothing, dick-less wonders.


I totally died when I got to see one of Ass-bands superiors/co-workers/friends almost trip and fall flat on his ass today when he saw Melodrama walk through the Clinic doors. It pwnd. Melodrama made two dollars, got two large Cinnabon© buns, lots of attention, candy, and two balloons from the excursion to MedGroup. I was pretty stoked on seeing her so happy - especially since my day consisted of logging exactly 7.9 hours of talk time on my phone.

Last week, Melodrama had to get an MRI. They had to sedate her, she had to fast, we got lost, and we had to get up at 4 a.m to even consider making it on time. Thanks to two wrecks and a broken stop light, we were late.
So I almost punched a nurse in the face (anxiety at the highest it's been in years) when she decided it would be an awesome idea to rip an I.V needle from Melodrama's hand among other things. It was not a good day - though I did get Starbucks, Project 96-1, and Bahama Breeze out of the deal.


Ass-band decided to try and steal my planner today - not the smartest thing you've ever done, darlin'. I have two: one for my bag, and one main one for everywhere. I think it's pretty normal to write down EVERYTHING you have to do in a day, right? Right?

uhmmmm... yeah... *ahem* anyhow.

My bird got out today :/ Like, HE. WENT. ALL. THE. WAY! :o
Luckily one of his wings is still clipped for the most part, and he basically flew around the yard, low and in a retarded circle, squawking at me until he got tired and shit on my shoulder. Nice, Ziggy, nice.

I got a new toy this past weekend :D A brand new Shop-Vac!! It's pretty sweet, I'm not gonna lie.


Funniest event from this weekend:
Me: "Babe, hand me a cookie, please." *extends hand to Ass-band*
Ass-band: *hands the entire package to me* "Yes, the white oreo cookies."
Me: "I see that.. and I care why?"
Ass-band: "You care because I'm fucking racist. I'm the fucking Adolf Hitler of cookies. I don't like the black ones." *totally serious facial expression*
Me: "You're fucking stupid. Adolf Hitler didn't like a lot of things, but I'm sure he didn't give two shits what his cookies looked like." *completely amazed by Ass-band's ever-growing brain loss*
Ass-band: "I hate Jew cookies, too." *again, totally serious look on his face*
Melodrama: "Shut up, Daddy. Don't say that. Mom will hurt your hand." *standing with hand on hip, pointing viciously at his face*
Ass-band: "Mommy can't hurt Daddy, she's 3/4 a minority, and I, the Adolf Hitler of cookies, would destroy her. I hate minority cookies, and, right now, I hate Mommy."
Me: "Fuck off."
Melodrama: "Daddy, fuck off."
Ass-band/Me: --->  :O *this face* ... .... BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


fin.


GO RTT NAOOOOOOOOOOO! *does her best Arnold impersonation from the only good movie he ever had*