You Drive Me Crazy

So, as I've probably neglected to mention in my blogging absence, my daughter turned four on Mother's Day.

Since that day, my life has gone from standard to OHMYFUCKINGGAWDSOMEONEGIVEMEAXANAXNOW. It's starting to get to me.

Why I Suck At Blogging

Probably because I have two pillow pets.. that my kid isn't allowed to touch. SHE HAS HER OWN STOP JUDGING ME!

I forget to do it. A lot.

My Take On Your Take On Chicks Who Game

Hi, I'm Kate, and I'm (obviously) a chick. I am a chick who games; I mean, I really game.

I don't pose half-naked with my controller for Facebook pictures and I don't play those ridiculous "take care of this baby animal" games on my hot pink DS. I don't even have a DS, truth be told; I have a first-gen PSP. I have been known to sit on a couch for days on end -- no shower, no sleep, no food -- and play KOTOR until my eyeballs were almost literally bleeding. I used to think budgeting for a new game was the most important financial decision I would make that week, and I made grown men cry as they watched me blow through Halo 2 on Legendary with no deaths and no do-overs.

The Good Times Had by a Freelance Writer

So, among the many things I do to make ends meet, I freelance write. Now, don't get me wrong, I love it. It gives me the freedom to work on so many different projects that I normally would't get a chance at. It's rewarding and fulfilling on so many levels.

But, sometimes, I hate it. One of these sometimes is when I'm commissioned to write a speech for someone who really didn't want my help in the first place. How can I say that, you ask? They refuse to let me do my job. There is a difference between tossing around ideas and then letting me go to work and deliver you a great speech, and taking over -- basically paying me hundreds of dollars to be your PA and type your shit up for you.

Since everyone always posts up "What If" scenarios, and people, like the incredible author/artist of The Oatmeal, create amazing comics out of their horror stories, I'm going to write the speech that I wish I could give to difficult clients here.. in my blog.. because I like money. I would rather continue to receive money, than lose out on it because I want to post up my issues like I'm grand-standing in a public forum.

You know, that thing I'm doing now, only it's not to a room full of people who already hate me.

Enjoy!


Dear Audience,

Thank you for whatever reason I'm here. I'm a clueless Douchenut, so I really don't have a idea as to why I'm actually standing here, but thanks. Here are a few really awful and extremely stupid jokes to make you question why I am in whatever position I am in; I am quite certain your fake laughter will give me whatever confidence booster I'll need to make it through the rest of the night. I'm not exactly sure I like any of you, but it warms me more than my fist of whiskey to hear your finger claps and discontented chuckles.

Now, here's the part where I should be telling you it's all thanks to you, but no. Fuck that shit. It's all about me tonight, baby. Me, me, me, me, and me. I love me. I'm accomplished at something, but I'm not quite sure what it is. I'm sure it'll come to me in the next however long I choose to stand here, but right now? Total blank. Oh, did I mention I love the way my farts smell? Because I do. They're awesome. More about me. Blahdy blahdy blah blah blah blah blah. Blargh.

I would also like to give thanks to the chick I hired to help me better articulate absolutely nothing. She's awesome. This bitch can type like.. fucking fast. She got a lot of money to help me, but instead, I decided to go my own way. I'm a fucking REBEL! Here's the gist of what I put her through:

 I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, and I'm not entirely sure where I'm at or how I got here. I hired someone smarter than me to research and write me some pretty words. She's now far more competent than me, and could quite possibly steal my position based on her gleaned knowledge alone.

But, I decided I wanted jokes; lots and lots of really un-funny and extremely offensive jokes. Also, I wanted a small slideshow of ponies and unicorns and rainbow-shitting cupcake faeries to go with it. You're definitely welcome for those. There's also a few images of me spending my insane salary on some equally insane vacation. Do you like my hot pants? Daddy likes.... Let me rub my nipple in a failed attempt at sexual humor and innuendo. I do these things so fucking well, and she knows it.

She also researched the people who should actually be here, and she wanted to thank you all, but like I said, fuck you. It's me time, and I'm cashing in.

Words and stuff.

Man that bitch can type.

Now, I realize that I've completely ruined any chance I have at making you think I have any idea why I should be here.. or grateful.. or even alive, because I'm a fucking tool. Please let me just take the cheap-ass trophy or certificate you made me from some crap-ass Microsoft program, sans speech, and I swear, to Zeus, that this awkwardly painful moment (for everyone involved, mind you) will never happen again.

Also, I'll save $700 on something I could've easily done myself. Which is cause massive embarrassment and give you all something to discuss, at-length, in e-mails and at the water cooler, behind my back, for at LEAST a year. Probably more, depending on how drunk I am right now and who's wife is hottest. I'm grabbing your ass, hot wifey, I'm just sayin'.

Spanx. See?! I'm totally not hilarious at all!
Continue on somehow with the rest of your miserable night,

Douche-y McFuckNut

American Idol, Yet Again

I'm over at RaspWire today, and it's all about this week's American Idol episodes.



I sat through two more episodes of American Idol, and I’m starting to question my sanity. I’m pretty sure I wasted another two hours of my life I will never successfully regain, but it’s like a train wreck you just. can’t. look. away. from. At all.

I’m suffering through this for you, you know. If you miss...continue reading.

My Cat Only Loves Me When... A List

Today I want to talk about my cat. His name is Stephen. He's an abused rescue that I shoved in a cat carrier and moved from Louisiana to Georgia. He went from being born and raised by the hard-knocks of the streets, to being a fat and lazy house cat in the course of 13 hours. He's extremely intelligent; you only have to show him something once, and he's got it. He's also a really big pain-in-the-ass.

He knows he's loved, and he knows he's cute -- it's a dangerous combination.

He's still really skittish for some odd reason, even though he's babied like he's king-of-the-castle. I swear sometimes I think my Mom likes the cat more than me. You're welcome, old lady.

I think he's adapted well, and we enjoy the shit out of him. He's a constant source of joy and entertainment, and even when I have to spray him in the face with the water bottle for trying to tear something up, I still can't help but smile.

But.. he's just like every other cat: he only loves us when he wants to, which is never when it's convenient. I have compiled a list of times when he wants love and attention, and I'm going to share it with you guys. If you have cats, feel free to laugh, because you know they do it to everyone. If you have anything to add, add it in the comments.

My Cat Only Loves Me When:

- I have to pee.
- I'm trying to take a shower.
- I'm brushing my teeth.. my back teeth, and I haven't spit yet.
- I'm doing something to my hair with an extremely hot tool.
- I'm putting on eye liner, mascara, or eye shadow.. just the darker shades that are hard to get off without reapplying everything.
- I'm trying to sleep.
- I'm about to get up and do something.
- I'm cooking.
- I have just accepted the fact that he's not going to come be nice to me and I set my laptop desk up.
- I'm drinking something hot.. or cold.. and I just took that first big swallow, but haven't quite swallowed yet.
- I'm on the phone with someone other than family.
- The kid wants attention.
- I'm reading.
- I'm trying to clean up the kid's mess of small toys (meaning I end up digging them out from under things like beds, couches, chairs, and the one table in the house that you're always guaranteed to hit your head on).
- I'm not in the mood.
- He's hungry.
- I just fed him and I'm taking the scoop back to the container.
- While I'm trying to feed him, and I have a scoop of food and am not paying attention to him wrapping his self around my ankles.
- I'm doing laundry.
- I'm trying to wrangle the kid into the bathtub or bed.
- Mom is all "He hates me, he's never going to bond with me, emooooooo stuff!".
- I'm writing... like now.
- He thinks I have food.
- He knows I don't have food, but am contemplating getting up to get some.
- I'm thirsty.
- I'm trying to concentrate.
- I want to practice making babies with Husband.
- Husband is sitting next to me.
- Husband wants to hold my hand.
- I really, REALLY have to get up and go pee.
- I'm trying to play with him, which usually ends up in pouting and biting.
- Mom is trying to love on him.
- I'm carrying something that obstructs my vision.
- My screen saver comes up on my laptop.
- It's time to clip his nails so I feel really bad about holding him down.
- I'm standing in front of the heater.
- I'm getting something out of the oven.
- Did I mention when I'm trying to pee?

I never understood why kids and pets only want something to do with you when it's the worst possible time. It's like they have this sensor built-in to detect when you have something going on, so they can be all up in your shit with their huge eyes and their little noses.. DAMN THE CUTENESS! DAMN IT TO HELL!

And, to leave you wondering why in the hell I even waste your time with my blog in the first place, here's a few pictures of the little rat-bastard. I do love the little shit...

He gets between my legs at night so I can't move... asshole.

This one is from his "street" days...

I SEE U. Y U NO CAN MOVE? OH. IZ CUZ OF MEH.

POP ALL THE BUBBLES!

Why, no cat, I'm not trying to go pee.

Your Number Come-th Up, Judge-y Parent!

Okay, this is purely a rant blog. It in no way means I think that any one of my friends and fellow bloggers are these types of people. It does mean that others have encountered this shit in real life, away from the internet, and I feel like it needs to be said.. by me.. on this blog. I'm out to get the ones who make us not-so perfect parents feel like a bag of douche for not being as awesome and sun-shiny as they seem to think they are.

Hey! Guess what? You're not perfect and rainbows do not come falling out of your ass every time you fart. I don't like you. Most parents do not like you. Life? Yeah, life doesn't like you, either. No one likes a show-off. Or you. Because you're a fucking tool.

If you are easily offended, don't read this. If you read this and you're like "OMG THAT BITCH IS TALKING ABOUT ME!", you're wrong. I don't know you. This is about the kinds of shit that other parents have given me/others during the course of our lives as parents. Some of this has nothing to do with me, but I'm writing it the way I'm writing it because I'm awesome and I'm dedicated. I never reveal the sources of my inspiration. Get over yourself, most of this shit is hilarious as fuck. Just laugh, dammit!

Aaaaaanyhow, back to my rant. Well, the points of my rant.. Here are some reasons why I don't like you. I also got some pretty great fodder from some not-so amused dads. Apparently other moms are too nice to say mean things. I don't believe in "sticking together" if you can't fucking be nice. Go eat some mushy peas, mean-ass. Here are some letters to mull over while you stuff your judge-y face:

Dear 'Oblivious' Parent,

Is there any reason why you feel more inclined to talk shit about my clothes, my kid's clothes, or how I'm letting my kid/kids play on the playground, than pay attention to your own kid/kids? Because, I just want you to know, your kid has a face full of sand and something that resembles dog shit, and I'm not sure you care at this point. Oh, and while you were letting your kid/kids do shit like that, my kid was perfectly safe and happy and I was probably playing with her or watching her play like a fucking helicopter mom, you accomplished nothing by treating me like I'm on 'American Idol: Parenting Edition'. And your kid ate shit. I hope you get some all over your face because you still have no idea it happened. Like my top? I got it at fucking WALMART.


Dear 'Savvy' Parent,

I like your shoes. Were those on sale for $400 or $900? Oh, mine? I got mine at the fucking Dollar General. They were in the clearance bin for like a buck. With the money I saved, I bought my kid four new outfits, a new pair of shoes, and that bubble bath that costs more than all my beauty supplies combined. She likes it and it makes her smell like Jesus rubbed his awesomeness all over her. No, I don't mind that my shit looks old and ragged, because my kid has the best of everything and I work my fucking face off to make sure she never goes without. I like spending my money on her instead of me; it's the reason I'm a fucking GREAT mom. I may be on the lower-class side of life, but you'd never know that my kid doesn't have rich parents. I'm glad that you have lots of money, but why is your kid wearing Walmart while you wear Gucci? Thanks for making me feel like Parent of the Year. I needed that. My last pair of slacks that are work appropriate just ripped, and I was having a bad day.


Dear 'Awesome-Rack' Parent,

Congratulations! You fed your kid from your/your wife's boobies and not from a bottle. You achieved something so wonderful that the angels cry. Oh, me? Why didn't I breast feed my kid? BECAUSE I FUCKING COULDN'T! Thank you, though, for telling me I'm a terrible, no-good parent, and rubbing the glory of your success in my face. It makes me get this warm and fuzzy feeling deep inside my vag. I tried, and I was really down on myself for two fucking months because I couldn't have that bond with my kid. If you had bothered to ask before you sat on your titty pedestal, you might've saved some face. You just look like an asshole now. And, for the record, we bonded. We bonded the shit out of each other. That kid tells me every single day that I'm her best friend. She also got to bond like Gorilla Glue to her dad. It was awesome. We are awesome. Fuck you.


Dear 'Earth-Friendly' Parent,

I'm glad that you chose to use cloth diapers. That makes me happy for you, and I'm sure that you feel a little more righteous because you saved the fucking tree people or whatever -- awesome. I chose to use the diapers that I can throw away. It's my choice. I had enough shit thrown at me while my kid was in diapers, I didn't feel like dealing with washing them and drying them and wondering if shit was going to be stuck in my washer. Just because YOU did something, does NOT mean the rest of the world has to. Every parent has a choice and your way isn't always the only way. I know you feel this way because you're a martyr and you do so much good with your cloth diapers and your fucking ego, but no. Fuck that. You're not holy, you didn't save the tree people, and your washing machine probably smells funny. There, how do you like MY opinion? If it pisses you off, I did my job. Because you piss me off. A lot.


Dear 'Wow' Parent,

Your kid is not a testament to you. You kid is a kid; a human being. They aren't a prop. If you treat your kid like a fucking accessory, you're an asshole. You have no place to judge me or any other parent. You're the Paris Hilton of parents, and you suck. The end.


Dear 'Psycho Hippie' Parent,

Breast feeding your child when they're in pre-school is just creepy. I'm not doing it and it's not because I'm a bad parent. It's because I talked with my kid's pediatrician and I chose to go with her facts and not my own weird internet research. New age parents confuse me. If our parents fed us real food whenever we were ready, why can't you do that for your kid? You seem to be semi-stable and normal, meaning your parents did a good job with you. Why would you want to do something that isn't healthy for your kid for your own sake? You are also the 'Wow' parent.. making your statement. It's a really messed-up statement and I don't understand it, but it's there. I salute your decision in my own way. All I ask is that you stop telling me what's best for my kid.. because you don't know anything about her. You should also stop being so fucking high and mighty. No one likes people butting-in where they have no business sticking themselves in. I did what was right for my daughter, and she's a healthy, intelligent, well-adjusted little hellion that has gone through a lot in her three years of being alive. I think she's doing fan-fucking-tastic all things considered. If you think she needs formula at three, when it loses all nutritional value between 10-14 months, that's your opinion. Now, please go choke on it. Enjoy your day, you're very rude.



Okay, so the last one is from me.. but whatevs. I know a lot of parents feel like ass when other parents act like they've never had a breakdown, never had to deal with bullshit, never been stressed or tired, or they just have their fucking shit together all the time. I am calling you out, mean parents. STOP BEING SO DAMN AWFUL! Not every parent is the same, much like the children we rear. We all have different ways of coping with things and raising our kids. We were all raised differently. If you can't accept that not everyone is going to be as amazing as you think you are, you're a huge bag of ugly.

POWER TO THE COOL PARENTS!

We have meltdowns, we don't always like our kids even though we love them with every fiber of our being, we do the best we can with what we have, and our kids are the kids everyone wants to have. I love being 'Mommy' to my little tornado. She makes me mad, sad, tired, hyper, cry, smile, laugh, fuss, and amazed every time she comes into a room. I couldn't imagine my life without her in it, and I'm thankful every single day for her. I know I've had some days where I'm like "Baby Jesus, please give me a break!", but everyone has had those days. It's normal. It's called being a fucking parent. Try being a REAL parent sometime, judge-y parents.. you just might find it's a great experience. Also, when you try it and love it, apologize to the parents you've shit on over the years. Make our day.

I Found Some Things And Stuff At CES 2012 That I Thought You Might Like

And now I'm going to blog about them. I meant to do this yesterday, but I had some issues with one of my loan applications, and I spent almost the entire day dealing with patronizing, completely rude people. For once, I was nice, and I don't think I will ever make that mistake again. I'm better when I'm a total bitch.

Back to the point...

CES. OMG. STILL WANT ALL THE THINGS! Well, some of the things. This blog has things I would LOVE to have, and some that I just LOVE making fun of. Like I said, I'm better when I'm a total bitch.

See how I did that? Set you up with my personal bullshit and then tied it in? I'm a genius.


The Koala Mount by Dockem

It works kind-of like a picture frame for your iPad/iPad2. It uses the same concept that Command Adhesive Strips use to attach itself to the surface of your choice. That means no damage to anything you decide to stick it to. I saw the press pitch video and there was a dude and a fridge. I think my husband would have it attached to the bathroom wall. Maybe this would be a good compromise to a huge t.v?

There's a cord clip and a smart cover included. My only concern with this product is it's capability to accommodate other tablets. I'm thinking this thing will make money, but will it make the money that it has the potential to make if it's only Apple-friendly? I've seen some pretty sick tablets in the CES coverage, and they're not Apple products. I'll definitely be keeping an eye out for this and may even be purchasing one myself. I think the ability to mount your tablet when you get home or to the office is a great thing. Let's just hope Apple won't be the only tablet maker with a specific mount.


PureGear Innovation: 2012 Signature Lineup

I like that someone is challenging Otterbox. I'm finding their products to be less-protective and more annoying. Let's hope these cases, mounts, and general accessories are easier on the wallet. They're definitely easier on the eyes and more functional. They even have one with a sight built in. DO WANT! They're evolved and come in interesting colours and styles. I think I even caught a glimpse of some pretty interesting ear buds. I wouldn't mind owning one of these awesome cases with a mount to keep it handy in the car or on the go.


OnTrion Extended Life Batteries

FCC approved batteries for your smartphones. In short, they make your shit last longer. I would LOVE to see if these babies actually extend phone life through all the app opening and Facebook/Twitter trolling we do on a daily basis. As far as I know, they're going to be available for a variety of phones, and while they make cost a bit more than a regular battery, it would definitely be worth it to know your phone isn't going to die when you aren't near a charger. If you're getting chased by zombies and you need to phone-a-friend, you're covered. There's battery life for that.


Net Nanny: Now Mobile!

Net Nanny launched their mobile service at CES this year. That's exciting.. I think. I hope people with younger kids begging and snotting for iPhones and iPads will take full advantage of this service, but it's not something I'm worrying about yet.

Net Nanny is famous for their amazing PC protection. They block profanity, sites, and other icky things your kids shouldn't be allowed to see. They're now extending that coverage to mobile devices, and I think I'm going to be calling my sister very soon. She bought my 11 year-old niece and my 7 year-old nephew those Playstation phones for Christmas, and I think that they would benefit from a service that keeps them off sites that could potentially lead a creepy Pedo-bear to their door. Also, I cuss like a sailor and my niece follows me on Twitter. I would rather her not see those posts if it can be avoided even though she knows me for exactly who I am.


LELO Massagers

Something about Sense Motion and Sense Touch... whatevs. They still look like a vibrator from The Jetsons. They're fancy, nicely executed upper class vibrators. Enjoy the power!

ClarityOne Audio

Apparently they produce sound so pure, it'll blow you..r mind. Okay, I'm down. You come blow me.. away and I'll set you up for a new review. But, for now, here's what I've got for you:

 Your design? Did you collab with LELO during the design process? I'm not even kidding. Ear Dildos. Your advertising? Come on, if you really had a good, solid product, you wouldn't be producing soft porn to get the word out.

Now, like I said, if you come blow me, we'll talk about maybe giving you a fucking mulligan. For now, this is where we stand. I am not impressed. My dollar store ear buds entice me more. They were three bucks, and they make sound go into my ears and not the room. Problem solved.


USB 3.0 Optical Repeater Over Fiber

Okay, Newnex, if you send me one of these for free, I will be your slave. Forever.

I love everything about USB 3.0. It's one of the coolest things I ever got for my computer. But, like they said, I can't do much with the 2 feet of cable I was supplied.

THEY HAVE REMEDIED MY PAIN AND SUFFERING! *profound bowing*

Up to, but not limited to 100 meters, 200 meters, the moon. Okay, not sure it'll go that far, but who knows? My mind? It is blown. I've nerdgasmed over this since I first heard about it. I can't imagine how amazing it will be when I finally have my hands on it. This is one of my favourite products from this year's CES. It's a practical solution to a common problem, and I'm thinking it won't be too overly-expensive. I paid about $200 for my USB 3.0, so I'm thinking for something like this, I will be saving up around $350. Money well-spent if I get amazing 3.0 without being chained down.

I BE FREE!


VPulse by Velodyne

These things? They seem like a whole lot of effort for ear buds. But after watching the press pitch and seeing some floor coverage, I came to realize that these might just be some of the coolest ear buds I've ever seen. I may even find myself ordering a pair when I can.

The feature an aluminum driver housing for distortion reduction. I like this. Most ear buds sound like your annoying neighbors Honda. You know, the one with the tailpipes from Walmart that make it sound like a really pissed-off bee in a tin can? Well, these will sound more like a regular pair of headphones. I can't always carry a pair of Beats around with me, so these would be nice for on-the-go music sessions.

They have noise reduction built-in and two sets of different sizes of ear pieces. For someone like me, who has a toddler, a husband, and oddly-shaped ears, these two features alone make me pull out my debit card and hit the "add to cart" button.

They come in funky colours and the ear pieces are black or white gel material (I'm assuming it's a gel-like material). They look comfy and they're pretty much custom ear buds for everyone. Add in the flat cord and super nice travel case, and I'm picking express shipping and hanging out around the door until they get here.


Sensics Smart Goggles with the power of Android

Please, just google the shit out of these babies. I can't even put my feelings into words. I'm sure that there are flaws, but my GOD they're pretty.


Zienon Touch-Free Gesture Control Technology

If you want to feel like a Jedi, get this shit installed in your house ASAP. Want to turn your lights on and off just by flipping your fingers around? This is your product. Want to possibly go through a divorce because you start talking like Vader or Yoda every time your spouse turns around, because oh-my-fucking-god it's amazing? Get this.




And this, my friends, ends my list of products that are awesome, and not-so awesome. I got most of my info from doing some mad-crazy Google stalking and cesweb.org. I recommend doing some research of your own, checking out Spike TV and G4TV sites, and What's Trending. There is so much bad ass tech coming out this year, I am pretty sure my husband thinks I'm a loser. I spend our random phone conversations recapping, and like I blogged about earlier this week, I'm pretty sure he may be asking me to not to touch him with my nerd germs.

CES 2012 has been like nerd porn for me. When I haven't been swamped with work and school drama and motherhood, I've been glued to the coverage. I want to chuck all our stuff out the window and buy all the new tech! I want to spend my life holding hands with some of this stuff. I drool in excess. I'm totally in love with how far we've come and what's going to be the new standard this year.

This is obviously going to be a year of breakthrough tech and a whole new ballgame. I just hope you don't have to be a billionaire to afford being with the times.



DISCLAIMER: I didn't add in pictures and videos for everything because I'm a bitch. I am teasing you so you'll go check this shit out for yourself. Enjoy the techno-blue balls! :)

My Obsession With CES 2012 Could Possibly Ruin My Sex Life.

And I'm not exaggerating. I just spent an entire phone conversation with my husband recapping the technological wonders that I was graced with thanks to Attack of the Show and Spike TV's coverage of CES 2012. I could hear his eyes glazing over and his attention span waning. He eventually gave me a polite "fuck this, I'm out" and we hung up.

I immediately forgot all about him and turned back to the t.v, Twitter, Facebook, and C|net. I pulled myself away long enough to evaluate the massive level of douche in my actions and considered it rude of him to dismiss my excitement.

I think I need help.

But have you seen the new HP Ultrabook? The wireless router that Asus is turning out? DID YOU KNOW THERE WILL BE ROBOTS?! OMFG! Unfortunately, Bieber is endorsing the robots in question, which turns me off a little -- but not enough to un-glue myself from the t.v tomorrow.

I can't wait to scour every corner that my available media choices will let me. CES is always like my Christmas. I always hate my tech gear for about a month afterward, but it's worth it to see what the future holds.

OMFG RAZER GAMING TABLET! Total nerdgasm, right there. That thing looks fucking sick!

I'm tweeting my excitement, and boring my friends on Facebook. I will most likely blog again when I see something that makes me have to change my pants. Enjoy delving into the little-known corner of my life -- complete nerd.

Happy Birthday, Old Man!

Today.. well, yesterday as of 13 minutes ago, is my husband's birthday. This is only the second time in the entire time we've known each other that we've been apart for it. I'm not sure how I feel about this.. I'm usually cooking his favourite meal, his favourite cake/cookies, and trying to keep the Munchkin from tearing his present open before he gets home.

It makes me sad to know that he worked all day and went to his apartment and was alone.. probably not eating anything because he's too cheap to buy anything/too lazy..

That, and the fact I found some things I had bought to cook for him while he was here on vacation that I totally forgot and now I feel like the world's worst wife because they're some of his favourite things.

Today was a rough day, but I did get the materials to register for yet another round of education. I am really hoping that this time I will finally be happy with my career choice. Maybe after trying Journalism, Marketing, CNA/CMA, Bartending, and Phlebotomy, Veterinarian Assistance will be where I'm happy. Let's hope that this bachelor's degree is the last one because, let's face it, school is costing me too much now.

So, Happy Birthday, Husband; now that you're old, I will still be here nagging and taking care of you. I love you more than you will ever know, though even I don't know why. I guess you're just a lucky man.

And, because I love myself as well, congratulations to me for making the decision to yet again drown in a sea of book, notes, used pens, and endless sleepless nights writing papers for the sake of higher education. I think I'm going to change my "works at" section on Facebook to "Career Student".

I Have No Life.

Really. I don't.

I take care of the bill paying and the housekeeping and the keeping everyone sane, but I really don't have any semblance of a life. I just spent hours trolling Google Images, making random meme photos on a generator site, and creating my own iGoogle theme.

I think it's awesome, but then again, I suck.

All my friends live in my computer. I don't go out anymore, I rarely talk to anyone, and I stay in my pajamas until someone complains that I really shouldn't go out in public in a paint-stained PT shirt and boxers.

I mean, it's not that my friends don't exist or I don't have any, I just never go out and do things with them. I can't even have an actual date with Husband that's normal. We go to the hardware store and maybe get something to eat; we're usually home by 8:30 and in bed by 10.

That sounds so completely lame and I think I'll just go resume the fetal position now. I mean, even the Munchkin seems to think it's normal to throw on boots and a coat and go play outside in her pajamas now.


Someone save me. Please. Before I make another meme picture...

bro cat likes to party

oh, obama.. make your own goddamned sammich.

and my favourite by far...

dumbass...

Seriously.. do you really think I should be doing this at 3 in the morning?