Why I Suck At Blogging

Probably because I have two pillow pets.. that my kid isn't allowed to touch. SHE HAS HER OWN STOP JUDGING ME!

I forget to do it. A lot.

A Letter To Bad Drivers: This One's For You

I had some requests to do another rant, so this week, we're taking a look at bad drivers. I'm going to make it a letter so everyone can print if off, highlight the appropriate section, and hand it to anyone that you think needs to see it. Who knows, it could save some rage, a life, or just make you feel better. Awareness should never be overrated.

My Take On Your Take On Chicks Who Game

Hi, I'm Kate, and I'm (obviously) a chick. I am a chick who games; I mean, I really game.

I don't pose half-naked with my controller for Facebook pictures and I don't play those ridiculous "take care of this baby animal" games on my hot pink DS. I don't even have a DS, truth be told; I have a first-gen PSP. I have been known to sit on a couch for days on end -- no shower, no sleep, no food -- and play KOTOR until my eyeballs were almost literally bleeding. I used to think budgeting for a new game was the most important financial decision I would make that week, and I made grown men cry as they watched me blow through Halo 2 on Legendary with no deaths and no do-overs.

Too Much Coffee, People Who Skipped Grammar In School, And Cyber Stupidity -- RTTR

I've been hard at work lately, doing research and reading tons of resumes. By research, I mean playing the shit out of Fable III, Halo Reach, and Halo ODST. Throwback to some great games wut?! Yes. I have an awesome friend who let me borrow his old school first gen 360, and I'm banging out an article that's going to take a lot of patience to write.

Also, if anyone wants to donate to the game fun, I'll give you my paypal. I'm spending all my money on bills and coffee these days, and I can't afford the ridiculous prices for games.. they used to be necessities, but then I had a family and a kid and responsibilities. OMFG. WHEN DID I GROW UP? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?! ::shakes fist angrily towards the sky::

Speaking of coffee, I'm up to a $30/week budget for that shit. It's insane. I'm killing my insides. It's totally cool, though, because I enjoy killing my organs with black gold. Well, more like, caramel gold.. I like coffee creamer and sugar in my coffee.

I've had this stupid hair stuck in my eye for FOUR FUCKING DAYS NOW. It's not cool. My eyeball is raw. How does that even work?! It just does. There's your answer. It's in that unreachable top crease, and it's driving me insane. Not that I really need any help, but it's a helpful motherfucker. Touche, hair stuck in my eye, touche. I don't know how to make the little accent thing on the top of the "e", so get over it already.

I hate to call-out bad grammar (well, not really, but this time I kind-of do.. maybe.. probably not. Whatevs.), but I have to say this to everyone that wants to be a writer:

Everyone makes mistakes. It's learning to correct your mistakes, and better yourself that makes you a good writer. When you balk at the notion, it tells me you're not a writer, you're simply someone who wants to seem deep and interesting. Get a beret, or something, but please don't harp on how awesome your shit is. When you can't even discern the STARK difference in "your" and "you're", and you make no never mind about it, it annoys me.

If your resume has more grammatical errors than a kindergartner's poetry, you look like an idiot. If your blog posts are so incoherent that I can't even grasp the topic you've chosen to write about, you look completely incompetent. I'm not going to give you the time of day.

I know I'm not perfect, but I choose to use ellipses like they're going out of style. I know the right and wrong way to use commas, but sometimes, I choose to splice shit up FOR THE EFFECT. Like, how it would sound if I said it. SO THERE. FUCK YOU. CAPS!

This week, I'm ashamed to own a Chrysler vehicle. One of my most favourite people on the interwebz was in a contest, and was banging out the hilarity in her quest for votes. I enjoyed her not taking herself so seriously, and having fun with the process.

She got disqualified. Another contestant got upset that she was losing (because obvs she's internet famous and awesome, but OMFG EVERYONE IS MISSING IT WHAT DO I DO?!), and lost her sense of humor. She set her husband loose on the Twitterverse, and he said some pretty nasty things to this awesome lady that was just trying to have fun, as well as some of her interweb supporters/friends.

IT GETS BETTER!

She the decided to write a completely terrible blog post about said person, slandering and bullying her. She set her "fans" after her and her readers, and she made all kinds of false accusations. This, in itself, was enough to make me pretty peeved, I'm not going to lie.

THEN! as if this wasn't enough! she contacted Chrysler and made a big stink, leaving out all the nasty things on her side that weren't all in good fun and humor, and Chrysler. backed. her. up. y'all.

Chrysler promotes cyber bullying. I say that with complete conviction. I know what's right, and what's completely wrong, and I also know THAT I AM A REAL PERSON AND SO ARE MY FRIENDS AND YOU CAN SUCK A NUT! I don't make friendly-time with proxy servers and cheaters, because I only make friends with people who can hug it the fuck out.

When has a proxy server or a cheater ever had the capability to give a fucking AMAZING hug? Nevah!

What I'm really saying here, through all my weird hilarity, is that the real bully is the man who threatens a woman, or anyone else, on the internet. The bully and the cheater isn't the person who made jokes and did what she always does, it was the person who stooped to petty and childish tactics.

I have been internet harassed, and it was awful. It made me a wreck, and hurt more than I can describe. It wasn't over a contest, it was over something that happened in the realz, but it was carried to the internet, and I was threatened, my child was harmed, and my husband's career was threatened. It was the worst time of my life, and it's still going on, because petty fucking people have nothing better to do with their time.

I've learned to let it go, but it still hurts. It's still wrong, and to see a power company ENDORSE THE SHIT pisses me off to no end. Like, pisses me off more than when my husband decides to be a fucking dick all day and treat me like I'm an idiot because I have a vag. That, my friendly readers, is a whole fucking lot.

I voted for her, because her contributions were awesome, and so is she. I didn't cheat, I didn't vote for the stupid iPad 2 (that CHRYSLER was BLATANTLY using for incentive votes), or the cookies (which WERE JUST A FUCKING JOKE OMFG), or for any other reason than I loved her shit, so. hard., and I love reading her blog, also so. hard.

So, there. Fuckity-fuck-fucker. Now I think I have it off my chest, I'm going to shit-talk my Jeep because ITS PARENT IS RIDICULOUS. It should've been adopted. I'm just glad I didn't buy it from a dealer, because technically I didn't pay them for it. I paid the dude who did a craptastic job of restoring it.

This, my friends, ends Random Tuesday Thoughts. It has a whole 'lotta rebellion in it. Enjoy the rest of your week, awesome people, and remember to head on over to Stacy's awesome blog and link up to the fun.


I'm not adding the linky thing today, mostly because I'm lazy as shit, but also it's over there -----> on the side of my blog. Have fun, and rebel on!

UPDATE TIME BITCHES!

So, there's this guy, and he's pretty much fucking awesome. He wrote this blog post about all the Chrysler Blogger Face-Off shit, and it's perfection.

Go HERE, and enjoy.


Also, I realize that it was Ignite Social Media that made the wrong decision, but CHRYSLER BACKED THEM UP. Obviously. The shit is still going on.

Promotion, Lots Of Cooking, Rant Articles, And Stuff: RTTR

Another late RTTR post. I know, I suck. Get over it. I had stuff to do. Also, I had a nap to take. That was awesome, I'm not gonna lie.

Anyhow, I got a promotion. It's awesome. I'm not just a writer anymore, I'm Managing Editor. What? I know, right?! I'm cheesing just writing it. I have so many awesome ideas, and it seems like I'm constantly writing them down. They just come to me.. I don't know. Whatever.

My last article? It's gotten a lot of attention. I guess people really like when they get to read someone else ranting away. I just get so mad when people do stupid shit. Like, really, if you want to say you're obsessed with zombies, at least know something about them. And Tim Burton stuff.. I swear, the next time someone sits there and says they're obsessed with The Nightmare Before Christmas and Tim Burton's work, I'm going to die. Or dragon kick the shit out of them. It's so annoying. If you like it, cool. Say that. Don't be like "OMFGIMTOTALLYOBSESSEDANDILOVEALLOFTHETHINGS!!!!"

Be honest with yourself. Also, don't talk about it in front of me. When I contradict you, and you get pissed off, it makes me really sad for you. If you're going to fan girl all over something, learn about it first. That's all I'm asking.

I've been doing some pretty amazing cooking lately, I'm not even gonna lie. I've made barbecue chicken that will blow your mind, lots of yummy pasta salad, anything I can put spinach in, great spaghetti and pizzas, and I made some ridiculously awesome parmesan crusted chicken breasts, that were probably the greatest things ever the other night.. err.. last night? Anyway... moving on, since I just completely blanked out on what all I've made lately..

Kiddo has been driving me nuts. I can't wait until the three stage is over. I wish I had the terrible two's back.. so hard.. omg. She refuses to listen to me, and is mean as shit until Husband gets home. When he gets home, she's good for him. I hate being the least favourite parent. It blows. At least the cat loves me.. and even he gets pissy when he thinks I'm not going to remember to give him his second scoop of food before bed. I can't catch a break.

I seriously think I married a dumbass. He walked past me, just now, with his ass hanging out of his shorts. I hate that shit. He knows this. So what does he do when I tell him to pull them up? He comes back out with them around his knees and asks me who I was talking to.

Someone, anyone, husband for sale. You can have him.

This concludes Random Tuesday Rebellion, and all the fun that's had with it. Tune in next week for more fun and shenanigans. Also, don't forget to check out our leader, Stacy, for more awesomeness and bloggy goodness.

Happy Randoming and Rebelling, y'all!

There's Work And Then There's Housework -- RTTR

NOTE: I wrote this Monday night, because I thought it was Tuesday, despite the fact that I had just watched and live tweeted The Bachelor. Don't judge me, my brain is fried.

First, let's talk about those people in your family that are always out to get you. You'd think after spending an entire childhood being a fucking bitch would be enough for some, but no. They drag it all over into adulthood, because they can't grow up. Stalking your FAMILY MEMBERS on FACEBOOK is RIDICULOUS. Please grow up soon, thanks.

Second, let's talk about work. I'm working on so many things I can't keep them all straight. Funnest thing going on is trying to get press passes to a stellar concert full of epic win. Least funnest thing (hat statement is one that totally works in my head, but is so wrong on paper.. blogger.. whatever), but one that I feel compelled to work on, is a piece on people and celebrity deaths. It's hard to write it in a manner that won't get a brick through my window, but I think I can pull it off. We shall see.. I'm setting myself a midnight deadline to hurry the process along.

Third thing, my eyesight. This problem keeps rearing its ugly little face. I can barely see, my glasses are crap, and I'm in so much pain it's just not cool. I really hope I can grab a new pair of glasses and it will magically disappear, but I'm almost positive it won't. I think my sight is going to be as bad as some of my family members. Lame.

Fourth.. wait, why am I counting? Wow. I'm losing it.

Housework. SUCK MY NUTS! I know that it's a huge part of my duties and all, but seriously. People can't even make it to the trash can or the laundry room ONCE A DAY. I'm literally doing EVERYTHING. I'm exhausted, I'm drained, I'm sick of it. The only person in the house that will take a piece of trash to the trashcan is me. There are two other adults and a kid, who USED to love throwing things away, and nothing ever makes it. It makes it to the kitchen table, RIGHT NEXT TO THE TRASHCAN, but not in it. I don't get it. I'm lost. Also, the floors needing to be deep cleaned every single day is getting insane. I can't keep up. I commend people with more than one kid, and I can totally sympathize.

My Valentine's Day present will most likely arrive AFTER tomorrow, and that sucks. I did get a super sweet owl print bag from Journey's today. It's exactly what I needed for running around with the Munchkin. I no longer have to deal with my bag falling off my shoulder, because it's a cross-body bag. It's got a really pretty yellow silk lining, too. Cheap, quick, cute, fun, easy.. everything I needed. TAKE THAT Coach bag I've been drooling over for months!

I'm making a really amazing roast for tomorrow. I'm not planning on going anywhere unless it's to Lowe's to get a tub repair kit. We didn't make it today, so maybe tomorrow. Who knows.. I'd really like to get my shower fixed, but I'm the queen of putting home repairs off.


This concludes Random Tuesday.. because I'm starting to bore and confuse myself. Oh, and if you haven't seen Code Monkeys, the 8-bit cartoon G4 TV came up with, you're missing out. Get on Netflix and watch it. It's awesome.

Head on over to Stacy's blog, grab a button, write some crazy shit, and link up to the awesome fun that is Random Tuesday Thoughts. We're still at the rebellion, and it's so much fun I think you'd like doing it, too.

Peaces.. Deuces.. Peace.. Whatevs.

The Good Times Had by a Freelance Writer

So, among the many things I do to make ends meet, I freelance write. Now, don't get me wrong, I love it. It gives me the freedom to work on so many different projects that I normally would't get a chance at. It's rewarding and fulfilling on so many levels.

But, sometimes, I hate it. One of these sometimes is when I'm commissioned to write a speech for someone who really didn't want my help in the first place. How can I say that, you ask? They refuse to let me do my job. There is a difference between tossing around ideas and then letting me go to work and deliver you a great speech, and taking over -- basically paying me hundreds of dollars to be your PA and type your shit up for you.

Since everyone always posts up "What If" scenarios, and people, like the incredible author/artist of The Oatmeal, create amazing comics out of their horror stories, I'm going to write the speech that I wish I could give to difficult clients here.. in my blog.. because I like money. I would rather continue to receive money, than lose out on it because I want to post up my issues like I'm grand-standing in a public forum.

You know, that thing I'm doing now, only it's not to a room full of people who already hate me.

Enjoy!


Dear Audience,

Thank you for whatever reason I'm here. I'm a clueless Douchenut, so I really don't have a idea as to why I'm actually standing here, but thanks. Here are a few really awful and extremely stupid jokes to make you question why I am in whatever position I am in; I am quite certain your fake laughter will give me whatever confidence booster I'll need to make it through the rest of the night. I'm not exactly sure I like any of you, but it warms me more than my fist of whiskey to hear your finger claps and discontented chuckles.

Now, here's the part where I should be telling you it's all thanks to you, but no. Fuck that shit. It's all about me tonight, baby. Me, me, me, me, and me. I love me. I'm accomplished at something, but I'm not quite sure what it is. I'm sure it'll come to me in the next however long I choose to stand here, but right now? Total blank. Oh, did I mention I love the way my farts smell? Because I do. They're awesome. More about me. Blahdy blahdy blah blah blah blah blah. Blargh.

I would also like to give thanks to the chick I hired to help me better articulate absolutely nothing. She's awesome. This bitch can type like.. fucking fast. She got a lot of money to help me, but instead, I decided to go my own way. I'm a fucking REBEL! Here's the gist of what I put her through:

 I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, and I'm not entirely sure where I'm at or how I got here. I hired someone smarter than me to research and write me some pretty words. She's now far more competent than me, and could quite possibly steal my position based on her gleaned knowledge alone.

But, I decided I wanted jokes; lots and lots of really un-funny and extremely offensive jokes. Also, I wanted a small slideshow of ponies and unicorns and rainbow-shitting cupcake faeries to go with it. You're definitely welcome for those. There's also a few images of me spending my insane salary on some equally insane vacation. Do you like my hot pants? Daddy likes.... Let me rub my nipple in a failed attempt at sexual humor and innuendo. I do these things so fucking well, and she knows it.

She also researched the people who should actually be here, and she wanted to thank you all, but like I said, fuck you. It's me time, and I'm cashing in.

Words and stuff.

Man that bitch can type.

Now, I realize that I've completely ruined any chance I have at making you think I have any idea why I should be here.. or grateful.. or even alive, because I'm a fucking tool. Please let me just take the cheap-ass trophy or certificate you made me from some crap-ass Microsoft program, sans speech, and I swear, to Zeus, that this awkwardly painful moment (for everyone involved, mind you) will never happen again.

Also, I'll save $700 on something I could've easily done myself. Which is cause massive embarrassment and give you all something to discuss, at-length, in e-mails and at the water cooler, behind my back, for at LEAST a year. Probably more, depending on how drunk I am right now and who's wife is hottest. I'm grabbing your ass, hot wifey, I'm just sayin'.

Spanx. See?! I'm totally not hilarious at all!
Continue on somehow with the rest of your miserable night,

Douche-y McFuckNut

All I Have To Say About Internet Censorship: It's Ridiculous

   

Can you read that? Chances are, you can't. You didn't make it, and it's been censored. I made it. I used my bought and paid for copy of Adobe Photoshop CS 5 Master Collection. Chances are also pretty high that it will be copied, saved, linked-to, and re-linked to again and again. It will be changed, the size will be messed with, and people will most likely say they made it. I didn't even bother to slap my copyright watermark on it.

If I post it to Twitter tomorrow, it could be censored. If Bills like ACTA, Bill-C11 (formerly Bill-C32), SOPA, PIPA, or any other Internet Censorship laws pass, I could be fined or placed in jail. That doesn't sound fun, since I made it, and it's my right to bellyache and complain about whatever the hell I want.

That's just it, though. It's MY choice. This is the internet. Shit gets stolen; so what? I take it as a compliment when people like what I do enough to share it. I don't really go for the changes, but like I said, this is the internet, and shit happens. I always ask that people at least let me know they're taking something because asking is a simple courtesy. I'm not going to police my work after they take it because I have a life and better things to do.

If you don't want people to get to anything that you do, don't make your work public. I am guilty of it, you are guilty of it. I like memes, and so do you. That is a prime example of what they're calling piracy. It's not just about grabbing a torrented copy of a movie or CD, people -- it's so much bigger than that.

I know we (the internet lovers) had a huge "win" when we all got together and shut our sites down for a day. Wikipedia had probably the biggest impact, leading people to be forever lost because they don't remember a time when we didn't have ready access to the information we wanted/needed. Since I used to use my handy-dandy encyclopedia to find information, I still tend to stick to it. But there's something comforting about having the ease of Google Search right at my fingertips. Many of the web pages that we visit are powered by Wiki, and we rarely realize just how crippling it's loss would be.

SOPA and PIPA may be frozen, but ACTA is like SOPA and PIPA on steroids, and it my friends, is FAR from frozen. Bill-C11? It even makes ripping your bought CDs to your iTunes library and DVR-ing your favourite TV shows illegal. Have you unlocked your phone? Rooted it? Changed the OS? That's illegal under Bill-C11 as well.

Think I'm crazy? Check the links at the end of this article to find out for yourself. I'm not crazy, this is our future. Taking a small stand against one bill and thinking we've won the war is ridiculous. We have yet to win anything but one small smokescreen of a battle.  SOPA and PIPA were created to annoy us, while we remained in the dark about other bills, whether American or not, that are far worse and could royally fuck our shit up. Sharing isn't caring to these bills -- it's a federal offense that could land you in jail for sharing a photo you found via Google Images.

And, just to let you know just how far the laws can carry themselves, some of the bills I'm talking about aren't American. Bill-C11 is Canada's new love-child. We as Americans can't do anything but spread the word, but most of us have never even heard of it. Canada helped us out with SOPA and PIPA, so don't forget to help them. I'm appreciative of their efforts.

You see, they realize, unlike most people, that whatever laws are passed here (or anywhere else) are going to affect us all. It's the WORLD-WIDE web, people. If ACTA passes, it's going to affect us; If the Canadians lose their battle against Bill-C11, we're just as screwed. These bills our governments are trying to hide behind fancy words and 'round-about press releases, if passed, will open the floodgates. One passes, they could ALL pass.

And then the internet would look like a pissed-off dude ripped the shit out of a book. There won't be any Wiki sites, there won't be a Twitter and Facebook worth using, and Google will take a huge dive. Even searching for articles to cite here in my own blog lead me to censorship. Google was forced to take articles off the search queue. It's complete bullshit, and we shouldn't be content to let other people decide what we can and cannot share. 

Not all sharing is bad, government, and your bills aren't going to help. Things are just going to get worse.

Oh, and in case you haven't heard, Twitter is now able to censor your tweets on a case-to-case basis.

I'm not quite fond of this idea, and you shouldn't be, either. They're your thoughts, and if you want to let them be known, it should be your decision how they're conveyed.

This is basically a war on freedom of expression; which side are you on?

Check these links to learn about the bills and the new Twitter censorship (I'm not including SOPA and PIPA, so no worries. You're going to learn something new.):

Bill-C11(formerly Bill-C32)
More on Bill-C11
ACTA(A Wiki site.. better read quick!)
Forbes Speaks: Twitter Censorship and Internet Censorship Laws

I Feel: The Need To Share Stupid Things With You

As Husband likes to scream randomly and for no apparent reason - I feel.

Like crap. I don't know if the insomnia, allergies, heat/chill, excursion into public, or general lack of motivation is to blame. I'm starting to believe it's leaving the comfort of my non-socially awkward home that makes me feel like I'm scraping the bottom of the "living and breathing" barrel for days after the trek.




Munchface fell asleep on me today and I couldn't get up and start doing things around the house for fear of waking her, so I slept right along with her.




Bad idea.




I woke up with a strong urge to put the baby gate up in front of her door and leave a snack and a movie rolling so I could go back to sleep. Needless to say, I sat there until I was awake enough to help her down the stairs - while she sat there and played bongo drums on my head. I think she was trying to recreate taps or something as they blared through the window. I just laid there, still and hoping she'd magically fall back and sleep another 12 hours. Didn't happen...

General Dudeman invited Husband to a pin-on ceremony today. Awesome? Yes. Uncool at the same time? Roger. With a little over a month before we're officially a civilian family again, ready to assimilate to the non-military life outside of base confines, we have to buy new Dress Blues. Lame. Military uniforms are basically priced the same way as necessary medications and college textbooks. Ridiculously expensive for no apparent reason other than "we know you need these, so we know you'll pay this asinine amount of money for them".

Not exactly fun for us. Hey, military, if you want us to pay half a paycheck for uniforms when needed - pay better.

Husband came home today after buying said items and was all "Hey! My girls are awake. Woman, baby-thing, how was your day? I'm super hyper, super excited, and super ready to get on your nerves with my chipper demeanor!".

Not really the second part of that, but the first did get on my last nerve. When I'm not chipper and in a pleasant disposition, I don't want you to be either. I want you to recognize the signs of my exhaustion and extreme "blah-ness", and back off. Munchface was extremely happy to see him, and was eager to reciprocate his enthusiasm with equal parts of her own, however, which was a good thing; At least he brought an offering of Red Bull and bottled water.

I read today via military.com that The Air Force has decided to extend deployment times from 120 days to 179 days. Exactly one day short of an achievement medal - which is well deserved after the utter bullshit they have to go through. I for one am extremely displeased, and have already drafted yet another extremely upset letter to my state government. How can you sit there and cheat people who are already spending time away from their family and friends out of something they deserve - by one day? Makes me more thankful that I'm about to join the civilian ranks. They're so determined to screw people at every turn that they're ruining the quality of Airmen they keep in. They're alienating wonderful Airmen like Husband, and keeping in crap-tastic ones that don't care about their job - at all.

Husband is getting forced out, but at the same time, not. We're both extremely happy the MEB didn't correctly review his case file because it means freedom for us.

I kind of secretly hope there's a coup, and the upper echelons of the Air Force are usurped from their positions. There also needs to be a competent president from a military background to make decisions, but I'll save that for another day.




I just had a cookie hurled at my forehead, with deadly accuracy. Munchface is going to be a ninja sniper prodigy at the rate she's going. Special Ops, look out.