23 May 2012

I'm Still Alive.. I Think.

I could possibly be dead, or in a coma.. who knows?

Is this all just a really bad dream? Nope. I'm still here. I've just been taking some time off to do a lot of shit that I probably should'nt have.

Don't you love it when that happens?

So, let's recap the last couple of months, shall we?

Thing One: I've worked my ass off.. and I'm still broke. Joy! Raising a kid on your own is rough stuff. I don't know how all my single mom friends get through the first year of it without being sent to a "day spa", but since they're still trucking, I'm going to keep going and hope that shit gets better.

Step Two: I've watched a lot of cartoons. I really need to get out more.. and by out, I mean farther than my front porch.

Stuff.. Three: I've been hanging with the boys. You know, because I love them. I missed my friends, especially the one's I consider extensions of my family. I still miss my friends in the 'burg, and one in particular from Vidalia, but it's so good to be home.

I Forgot.. Four: I've been struggling with my anxiety. Seriously, people, I've been ready to tear my own skin off. I really need to get back on my meds before I stroke the fuck out.

Umm.. Five?: I hadn't realized just how far my self-loathing had progressed, but I'm on the road to recovering what I lost.. also, a huge shout-out to every single person that has been there for me when I'm a crying mess and telling myself that I'm the worst human being on the planet. Cory, that would be you. I don't know what I would've done the other night without you. Thank you, seriously.

Number Six: I've been losing a lot of weight. The flu and stressing over lots of medical bills really helped me out there. I'm down 26 pounds since Louisiana, and I'm hoping the rest slides off with another stomach flu or all the yard work that I've been doing.

Seven? Why am I counting, again?: I can almost look in the mirror and like myself again. I'm hoping another month will have that covered. I have like, no self-esteem left. I mean, really.. but that's a huge fuck you to the person who took it away, and a THANK YOU LAWD that I'm away from it now.

Let's just say, through all the hard shit, there has been some good shit. And through everything, I couldn't say I'd change any of my decisions. I'm not here to whine, I'm here to say that I'll be back as soon as I can think about something other than looking for a better job and how I'm going to pay the mortgage.

Sometimes, life kicks you in the balls to make you realize that this is where you're supposed to be, and what you're supposed to be doing, so you better pony up and get shit done.

I'm going to get shit done. Everything will look better in the morning, right?

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