15 June 2012

That Time I Hit The Life Lottery

So THIS happened, and I've since gone on to bigger and better things. I've still yet to do all the other shit I'm supposed to do for my grandmother, but I'm assuming I'll start on that today.

"Other shit" is just a nice way to put "scrub her entire house clean from top to bottom and get myself a pat on the head." Oh, and stuff from the garden. And sometimes a little cash. Both are awesome.

The Lincoln is a pretty true-to-life image...

Now, I know I'm being a complainer here, but this is the only place I do it. In the reals, I do it with a smile on my face and I'm actually pretty happy that I'm able to help out. I mean, the whole reason I moved back home was to take care of the things that need to be taken care of, right? That includes people. Lots of people. My whole damn family is getting old and senile.

That shit is depressing, y'all. I happen to like my family, and this whole "aging" thing is a real drag. Funny sometimes, but mostly a drag.

Anyway, moving on.

The reason I haven't already been elbow-deep in old-school cleaning products and a cranky old lady cat wandering around, annoying the hell out of me, is because I've been busy WINNING THE LOTTERY! No, not the one where you get a whole bunch of money and write "Fuck You" letters to everyone you hate, but the one I like to call "The Life Lottery".


I spent all day Wednesday, and all night, scouring every entertainment news website, show, blog, train, bus, plane, and magazine, looking for something amazing to write about. Because, y'all, I have found myself living a dream!

Maybe this isn't making sense.. blame the lack of sleep and coffee AND THE FACT THAT I'M SO HAPPY I COULD DIE! DIE! LITERALLY!

I guess I should give a little back story, so here we go: I've always been a writer. Like, for as long as I can remember. My degree is in Journalism, and all the other crap I've gone to school for has basically been in a desperate attempt to find something I can make more money at so my kid can have a shot at being normal.

I have had a ton of blogs, but this one seems to have stuck around, and I never ever EVER thought it would amount to anything. I used it to vent, and follow all the bloggers that I think are awesome. That's about it.

Oh, you awesome, sexy beasts, y'all!

But then, the awesome happened. People started to notice me. And they started to like me, which is odd.. not many people do.

And OMFG YOU GUYS! Someone wanted me to write for them. Life lottery won. And, seriously? Nicest, most awesome people in the history of EVER. For reals.

And, in a true reflection of my luck, Wednesday was suuuuuuuuuuuper crappy. I stressed and freaked out and may or may not have wound up crying in the fetal position under my desk. But, I soldiered through it, and came up with this:

Jessica Simpson Leaves The Gym And The World Goes Nuts

You should go check it out. Also, the unicorn is possessed. Seriously. I woke up and it was laying on the other side of the bed. Staring at me.

Maybe my kid is just an asshole who likes to scare the living shit right out of me.

Either way, that thing HAS GOT TO GO. GOT. TO. GO!

Fucking unicorn.. not so majestic anymore.

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