19 March 2012

To Your Unborn Children And My Already Born One

Have you seen this?

100 REAL Tweets From People Who Would Murder Their Gay Children

If you haven't, please take a moment to browse. This blog can wait.

Now, if you have Tumblr, there's a nice little image to go with it. The people that compiled the list are amazing, and I applaud them for getting this out there.

Yay Homophobes! Fucking dicks.

Isn't this nice? I wish my parents had been like this when I was born, right? Oh, wait, they were.
My Mom has always supported me, no matter her personal beliefs, and she's a complete LGBT supporter now. She loves everyone the same, and sees nothing wrong with love.

That's right, I didn't say "gay love" or "same-sex love". I said love. Because that's what it is, no matter your race, social status, bank account, country, city, state, intelligence level, or gender. Love. Is. Love. Whether you believe in equality or not, love is simply love. It doesn't discriminate, no matter what YOU PERSONALLY believe. Love isn't a person, you see. It's not a thing, an object.. it's a feeling. And feelings can't be measured the same way as people and things. You can't police feelings, emotions, or reactions. They're things that happen outside your control.

With that being said, I think we all know how I feel about these people and what they've chosen to tweet when the hashtag, #ToMyUnbornChild, started trending on Twitter. I think it's atrocious. I think it's disgusting. I think it's the worst fucking thing you could ever say to a child you plan to bring into this world.

I will support my child, no matter what she does. Hell, she could become a fucking drug addict, and I would find a way to help her overcome it. No one helped me, so I would never wish suffering like I experienced on my kid. I will always be there for her. If she chooses to find love, I hope that it's real and it's true, and she gets to have everything I have with her. If she chooses adoption, I will love that kid like she pushed for 4 days straight to have it. It will be my grandchild, and I will fight for it, love it, lose my shit on it, and come through for it, just like I have for my daughter.

But, I know that not everyone feels this way, and it breaks my heart. To think that children will grow up having to hide who they are from their parents, and society, and never experience being themselves until they're grown, and maybe not even then, rips me apart. How could you wish any kind of preventable hardship on your child? Your kid didn't ask to be here, you brought them into this fucked up world. You should be willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to give them the life they deserve.

They're going to face enough judgement without fearing it/getting it from you. SHAME ON YOU.

So, here's a letter to my daughter. My beautiful, intelligent, rage-inducing, perfect little girl, without whom, my life would suck and hold no purpose. I really hope she reads it one day, and realizes how much she means to me, and how proud of her I already am.

Dear Araelynn,

Let's start with your name, a name that I am just now sharing with my readers, which will soon include you. Your name, Araelynn Ruedell, is perfect for you. You're nerdy and awesome, just like your Momma (me, yay), so your first name suits you. I'm sorry that you'll never find a personalized item in a store with it, but you'll come to thank me later. Your middle name? It's also perfect. You remind me so much of the woman I loved more than life itself. Your great-grandmother was the most amazing woman to ever walk the face of the earth, and you carry her attitude, gestures, and smile, without ever having the chance to meet her. I believe she's somewhere, shaking her fist at the crazy shit you pull, every single day. I couldn't have picked a better name for you, and I'm thankful that your Daddy had a hand in it as well (he picked your first name, because he's a closet nerd, don't think he isn't). I don't care who got their feelings hurt, you deserve to be named after someone you can be proud of. Ms. Ida Ruedell was the one woman that deserved to live on, even after she packed up and moved to the afterlife.

Now, you're three years old today. I just turned twenty-five, and boy, am I a mess. My life is so fucked up, it's pathetic. I'm no where near where I planned to be by now, but I have you. I am so thankful for you, little hellion. Your smile lights up the room, your attitude drives me insane, you don't listen, you live in your own little world, and I lose my shit daily. It's okay, though, because I've never met a child as intelligent and aware as you. Without you, I would've killed myself a long time ago. Let's be honest, your Momma has a lot of issues. I gave you some of them, and for that, I extend my sincere apologies (OCD is a bitch, kiddo). I hope you don't turn out like me, because I have enough scars for the both of us. I don't ever want you to hurt yourself, not even for a second. It's no way to live.

You're going to turn four in a couple of months. You'll be starting school this year, and you're already brushing up on your alphabet, typical kid songs, and even some things they won't teach you in school. You're so smart.. so very smart. You amaze me every single day. I realize that half the time, I'm fussing at you, but it's not because I don't love you.

I fuss at you because I've come to expect more from you. You show me how deep your understanding of the world is, and how much you know, every day. I expect more from you, because I don't ever want you to stop learning and growing and striving. When you throw a fit over what show to watch, I know there's another reason. You're not one to tantrum out over something so small, so when you won't tell me what's really on your mind, I get frustrated. Don't ever feel like you can't talk to me, because when you do, I know you still trust me to be the best I can be for you every step of the way.

Speaking of, oh my GOD child. You can make me lose it faster than your Dad, and that's a special skill. I know it's not your fault that you've been taught to say/do mean/hurtful things by people that should be ashamed of themselves, but sometimes it gets the best of me. I'm sorry that I can't hold it together more, but I just get so mad. It's not that I'm mad at you, I'm just mad that people can't act right and be adults. They use you as a tool to hurt others, mainly me. I hope that when you get older, you'll see these people for who they really are, and you can tell them exactly what you think of someone who would teach you to call me "mean lady" instead of "Mommy", to tell me you hate me and that I don't love you. I'll always be your Mommy, baby, and no one will ever change that. I will ALWAYS love you, more than those people can ever comprehend. You are the reason I strive to do whatever it takes to give you the best life possible.

As I sit here and think of all the things I want you to know, I find myself at a loss. This would have to be a twenty page letter for me to explain everything to you, and I really only started it to tell you one thing:

No matter what you do in life, I will ALWAYS stand beside you. I will ALWAYS be proud of you. I will ALWAYS support you. I will ALWAYS love you.

If you choose to be a college drop-out who works at McDonald's and lives in a crappy-ass apartment, while I will encourage you to go back and finish what you started and make a better life for yourself, I will support you. I will NEVER call you a failure.

If you choose to move on to bigger and better things, and leave all thoughts of me behind, I will still be right here, telling everyone how proud I am of you, and how much I love you and respect the adult you've become. It will break my heart, and I will probably be a crying mess most of the time, but it will never change my love or devotion for/to you. I will just be proud to know that you're out there making your dreams come true, because it's something that I've been scared to do my whole life. I will never ask you to give your life up for me. Ever.

If you should so happen to fall into a bad situation, and fight me for trying to help you out, I will KEEP FIGHTING. ALWAYS. I will never stop, not even for a second. I will NEVER give up on you. Drugs, abuse, whatever -- I won't care. As long as I have a dollar to my name, and the ability to open my big fat mouth, I will do anything and everything to help you. I promise. No one helped me, no one cared. Someone will always care about you, and someone will always be there to help you, even if you don't want it. That someone will be ME. I will always be a phone call, drive, text, email, or shoulder, away. You need only ask. There will be times when I make you fight your own battles, live with your own choices, and make your own way, but I will always be there if you need me. No one can go it alone forever, and no one should have to.

If you marry the love of your life, male or female, I hope you have the best marriage possible. I will support you, and love the shit out of your spouse. If they're not good enough for you, I guess I will be honest and tell them exactly what I think, but I will NEVER hurt them the way I've been hurt. I will never treat them any differently than I would you. YOU choose who you love, not me; not your Dad, your grandparents, or your next door neighbor. It's up to YOU to decide who you want to spend your life with, and I will just be thankful that you found someone you want to share your life with.

If you have kids, be them biological or adopted, they will light my life up, just as you have. I will love them, spoil them, lose my shit on them, and help them, just as I have done for you. I know you will make an amazing parent to any child. I've had my good moments and my bad with you, but I hope the love I try to show you has had an impact. Just remember, your kids didn't ask to be here, or be your kids. You had or adopted them, so it's up to you to give them the best life possible, and love them no matter what.

I have seen some disturbing things, lately. Politicians trying to take away basic rights, marriage going down the toilet because no one seems to think "gay marriage" is acceptable, and people telling their unborn children they'll set them on fire and beat them to death if they're "homo". I pray that you will never have to go through any of this, no matter what you choose in life.

If you turn out "gay", I will be over-the-moon happy for you. If you're "bi", like me, I'll be over-the-moon happy for you. If you're "straight", I will be over-the-moon happy for you. Are you seeing a pattern? NEVER hide who you are from me. Never feel like a loser or a failure or an outcast. I will love and support you for knowing and finding love. Always.

I hope there are plenty of care-free and innocent years ahead of you, but if there aren't, I hope you know that I will always be there for you, and always be proud of the little girl I carried for nine months and a week, sat in labor for two days, and brought into this world. You are always telling me that I'm your best friend, and I hope you never stop. I will always be your parent first, giving you discipline, boundaries, and guidelines, but if I'm still your friend at the end of the day, that's cool, too. It'll make me happy to know that you love me and appreciate all I'm trying to do to help you become the best person you can be.

Also, please try and remember that it's annoying when you ignore me. That shit is driving me crazy. If we communicate, everyone is getting a better experience. If you listen, we're both happy, and we can come to agreements faster, without all the stomping and yelling and hurt feelings.. on both sides.

I love you, and I always will,



  1. I loved this letter. Frame it on her wall when she's able to read so that it becomes so familiar to her, she'll never question it.

  2. wow ... def touched me ... Love you laura