This week, on American Idol, I realize that I'm wasting my time. Other than that, we see the top 13 guys and top 12 girls belting it out for a spot in the top 13 (all together). Or is it top 12? I don't know, who can actually keep up with Ryan Seacrest? Not me.
The week started off with the boys performing on Tuesday. There were some good ones, but it was mostly just annoying. I definitely kept my bottle of Excedrin Migraine open and ready on my desk. I just can't decide if the Idol judges really think some of these people can sing, or if they are all just getting older and have lost some of their hearing. I'm going with the latter, because it's the nice explanation.
First up, it's good old Reed Grimm. His performance? It wasn't so good. I don't know if a blues version of "Moves Like Jagger" was really the direction he needed to go in, but he did, and it was definitely a wrong turn. Let's not forget that they had to bleep him on a supposed family show. You can easily change the words, so I wouldn't forget that next time, Reed. Also, I wouldn't pick a rather catchy pop song and turn it into.. I don't even know what that was.
Next up, we see Adam Brock completely kill "Freedom". I mean that in the best way possible, because, aside from a few slip ups, he did amazing. "White Chocolate" brought down the house and everyone cheered. I don't need my Excedrin just yet, so I go on to the next set of hopefuls.
Here we have DeAndre Brackensick. I can't even remember what he sang, because it was so excruciatingly painful, I was eating Excedrin like Skittles. How that boy, and his hair, were ever considered talented, I'll never know. I just hope this week was the last time I'll ever have to resort to the fetal position to make it through his performance.
After DeAndre, we see Colton Dixon, or as my husband calls him, The Skunk. He took on Hayley Williams, and sang "Decode" by Paramore. It was even worse than DeAndre's fail, if you can imagine that. I don't go for Twilight, which is what that song was written for, but I love me some Paramore. It was just wrong. He may have the look, but his sister will always be better than him, and that boy can't sing.
At this point, I'm still waiting for that "Surprise 13th Male Contestant" that they are holding out, and praying that it's not Cowboy. If it is, I quit. Completely.
Up next is Jeremy Rosado, the king of atrocious pronunciation. Now, I know I sound mean, but damn. It's a rampant problem on Idol. No one has any grasp of how to enunciate their speech. If I can't understand you, I'm not going to pay attention. I'm not going to want to listen to someone singing like they're doing drunk karaoke. I'm sorry that I'm not sorry. If Idol is really looking for stars, they should take a note from my middle school chorus teacher, and find someone who doesn't sound like they're a herd of cattle, "chew"-ing all over the place. "I wanCHEW, I won't leCHEW", it's all the same thing. Enunciate. Please. And learn how to sing. That might help you, too. Also, giving him a nickname like "Jer-Bear" isn't helping his cause. No, no, no, JLo. Just.. no.
After the enunciation fails of Jeremy, we find ourselves watching Chase Likens take on "Storm Warning" by Hunter Hayes. It wasn't that bad, so I wasn't reaching for the Excedrin. It wasn't the best thing I've ever heard, but at least I could listen to it and only cringe a moderate amount of the time. The made Brendan Fraiser references concerning his looks, the crowd went nuts, we're apparently mummies at home.
Now we're listening to the musical stylings of Creighton Fraker. He's one of the creepiest looking dudes I've seen in a while, I'm not going to lie. If he stays away from those high notes, however, he's got some real talent. He forces them, and they don't sound so hot. I got an angry supporter on my Twitter, and it was hilarious to see that she couldn't take time out of her busy hate schedule to read the tweets after the "creepy" comment I made. Oh, haters, how I love thee. Without you guys, Twitter would be boring.
Still waiting on that announcement.. this seems to be taking forever, and I'm not amused.
We're up to good ol' Phillip Phillips. Man, I like his style. He gave us "In The Air Tonight" by Phil Collins. Now, this is one of my all-time favorite songs. I love it. I was so upset when I found out Nonpoint was covering it, until I heard them blow it out of the water. Phil, Phil, Phil.. you blew it. It was definitely the first time he's disappointed me so far this season, and it kills me that it was while butchering such an awesome song. Mike Tyson did a better job in The Hangover. Don't do it again, Phil. I might have to punch you in the man part.
After being mad at Phil, I have to listen to Eben Franckewitz. And he's taking on Adele's "Set Fire To The Rain". I'm not an Adele fan, per say, but I do know that the woman has insane talent. I can't deny that she's made her mark before going under the knife, with, what was it? Six Grammys? Eight? Eben, what were you thinking? Oh my LAWD, that was awful. It was worse than Colton AND DeAndre combined. And the judges? They're lacking in actual judgement this season, because they gushed over it. It was flat, it was pitchy, and it was just generally craptastic. I should give him props for being both at the same time, but I'm on an Excedrin-enduced high right about now. Yuck.
Now we're up to my personal favorite, Heejun Han. He's going after gold with the most awesome version of "Angels" I've ever heard. I will admit that he had a few slips, but wow. Jessica Simpson is crying into her peanut butter and pickle sandwich right about now, because he killed it. Insanity. I love his voice; it still shocks me every time he belts a song out. He's got something special, and I hope that he makes it somewhere. Team Heejun, for sure!
Up next! Joshua Ledet! He's taking on J. Hud's song "You Pulled Me Through", and he's taking over. Wow. His ability to switch keys is just insanity. He was so good, I almost tossed my bottle of Excedrin out with the trash. He definitely lead the pack, and made the bad parts of the night drift away. I can't believe that he's not getting more credit for being truly talented. I can see him being in the tippy-top of the competition this year, for sure.
FINALLY! The announcement of the 13th male contestant. Who is it? Jermaine Jones! I'm so glad they brought his smooth baritone back. I love listening to it. Mama's boy is getting down on Idol this year, and it's surprisingly refreshing. He's got that Barry White thing going on and I love it. He's singing his heart out with a Luther Vandross song, and he nailed it. It was awesome. I know he's not the "typical idol", but he's special in his own way.
Thankfully, I only slightly overdosed on Excedrin during the guy's night on the stage. Stand outs to me were definitely Joshua Ledet, Heejun Han, Creighton Fraker (even though I think his song choice was a little off. True Colors? Really dude?), Adam Brock, and Jermaine Jones. Good job, and good luck, guys!
On Wednesday, we tuned in to Idol and watched the 12 girls battle it out. I went out and bought an extra bottle of Excedrin, just in case, and man, am I glad I did. Yikes.
First up, we settle in and listen to Chelsea Sorrell, and her rendition of "Cowboy Casanova". Yep, that's all I've got. It was baaaaaaad. I'm already hitting the Excedrin like I've got an addiction. It's the first performance of the night. I'm a little worried at this point.
Moving on, we find ourselves watching Erika Van Pelt sing "What About Love". It wasn't the worst of the night, but it was far from the best. I hope she's a really good DJ, because I'm pretty sure she's going back to it, unless someone decides they want her to record an autotuned album.
But, wait! Isn't that what they're all looking to score? That seems to be the standard these days, right?
Next up: Jen Hirsh. She's giving us some more Adele, as if last night wasn't bad enough, in the form of "One And Only". It's one of the worst performances of the night, but not the only. Ha. I'm good at this. The judges are still not up for judging, but I have hope for the rest of the night as I pop more Excedrin, washed down with shame and Dr. Pepper.
We move on to Brielle Von Hugel, and wish we had ear plugs. Oh, please, say it ain't so; she's going to sing "Dock of the Bay" by the legend, Otis Redding. She ruined it. Completely. Not only was her dress atrocious, but her voice, and the way she sang the song, were just as awful, and worse. This is why I don't like American Idol. They're constantly destroying my favorite songs, relishing in the reckless abandon they do it with. And when Steven told her she had a great handle on Blues, I died a little inside. My kidneys are also dying from all the Excedrin. It's a bad night.
Hallie Day graces us with her stage presence next, and belts out "Feeling Good". I was not feeling good after she finished. Randy, Al Roker, whatever his name is, pulls it out and criticizes her, asking her where she thinks she fits as a singer. I agree with him, for the first time all season. It's time to drink up to honesty, as I slam back more Excedrin and shame.
After Hallie, we get a whole 'lotta Skylar Laine. She goes after Faces' "Stay With Me" and starts convulsing on stage. Oh, that was supposed to be dancing? Yeah, I missed that connection. Thanks for catching it! I'll remember that the next time she's shaking her hands all in her own face while singing. Bottom's up, America! Drink to the dress, if nothing else, and put the Excedrin down. It will eventually kick in, right? One more Reba comparison, and I think I'll just go off the deep end, and watch The Voice.
More country crooning follows with Baylie Brown. She's going for the glory with Lonestar's "Amazed". She falls short of even the bronze, because she starts off with no control. She finishes, all excited because she's there on stage and she thinks she nailed it. Nope, not even close. The judges praise her, with mild critiques. I pretend I'm watching something amazing, and try to forget that I'm actually wasting my time with Idol.
Hollie Cavanagh takes the stage and sings her little heart out to "Reflection". No one should ever try to take on Christina, I'm just sayin'. It wasn't good, and that's all I have to say about that.
Following Hollie is Haley Johnsen, with the worst version of "Sweet Dreams" I have ever heard. It's another one of those songs that I love, and it's ruined. She murdered Annie Lennox, and I'm almost certain there should be some kind of law against performances that bad. Randy came through for me, and trashed it. Finally, some real judging. I found her whining backstage about how "hurtful" his comments were annoying, when they were well-deserved. How did she get this far again?
After the crime scene is cleaned up, we find Shannon Magrane on stage. She got rave reviews for a mediocre rendition of "Go Light Your World". I guess I'm alone in hearing the shortcomings? And let's not even mention the recurring of the Steven vs Dad thing, because it just makes me want more Excedrin and a nap.
Jennifer Hudson is under attack again, this time from Jessica Sanchez. Apparently, her vocal cords were all jacked up, and she skipped out on rehearsals. She got through "I Love You I Do", and I found it underwhelming. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't the rave performance that the judges were saying it was. There are just some singers that they shouldn't be allowed to take on, and I'm adding J Hud to the list. I'm sorry, but it wasn't that good. At all.
The night ended on a positive note for me, however, when Elise Testone took on Adele's "One And Only". I am not saying it was the best performance of the night, seeing as how none of them were good, but it was the only time I heard someone sing Adele and not try to BE Adele. She turned the song into her own, and while it was underwhelming, it was better than butchering it to shreds. I'm thankful that she at least put some effort into tuning it to her strengths, and if it hadn't been for all the breaking in her voice, she would've nailed her version of it.
Good luck, ladies -- I know I didn't waste one single second voting for any of you, so I hope someone did.
Here's to hoping that the good ones stay, and the bad ones get sent home.