12 January 2012

I Found Some Things And Stuff At CES 2012 That I Thought You Might Like

And now I'm going to blog about them. I meant to do this yesterday, but I had some issues with one of my loan applications, and I spent almost the entire day dealing with patronizing, completely rude people. For once, I was nice, and I don't think I will ever make that mistake again. I'm better when I'm a total bitch.

Back to the point...

CES. OMG. STILL WANT ALL THE THINGS! Well, some of the things. This blog has things I would LOVE to have, and some that I just LOVE making fun of. Like I said, I'm better when I'm a total bitch.

See how I did that? Set you up with my personal bullshit and then tied it in? I'm a genius.

The Koala Mount by Dockem

It works kind-of like a picture frame for your iPad/iPad2. It uses the same concept that Command Adhesive Strips use to attach itself to the surface of your choice. That means no damage to anything you decide to stick it to. I saw the press pitch video and there was a dude and a fridge. I think my husband would have it attached to the bathroom wall. Maybe this would be a good compromise to a huge t.v?

There's a cord clip and a smart cover included. My only concern with this product is it's capability to accommodate other tablets. I'm thinking this thing will make money, but will it make the money that it has the potential to make if it's only Apple-friendly? I've seen some pretty sick tablets in the CES coverage, and they're not Apple products. I'll definitely be keeping an eye out for this and may even be purchasing one myself. I think the ability to mount your tablet when you get home or to the office is a great thing. Let's just hope Apple won't be the only tablet maker with a specific mount.

PureGear Innovation: 2012 Signature Lineup

I like that someone is challenging Otterbox. I'm finding their products to be less-protective and more annoying. Let's hope these cases, mounts, and general accessories are easier on the wallet. They're definitely easier on the eyes and more functional. They even have one with a sight built in. DO WANT! They're evolved and come in interesting colours and styles. I think I even caught a glimpse of some pretty interesting ear buds. I wouldn't mind owning one of these awesome cases with a mount to keep it handy in the car or on the go.

OnTrion Extended Life Batteries

FCC approved batteries for your smartphones. In short, they make your shit last longer. I would LOVE to see if these babies actually extend phone life through all the app opening and Facebook/Twitter trolling we do on a daily basis. As far as I know, they're going to be available for a variety of phones, and while they make cost a bit more than a regular battery, it would definitely be worth it to know your phone isn't going to die when you aren't near a charger. If you're getting chased by zombies and you need to phone-a-friend, you're covered. There's battery life for that.

Net Nanny: Now Mobile!

Net Nanny launched their mobile service at CES this year. That's exciting.. I think. I hope people with younger kids begging and snotting for iPhones and iPads will take full advantage of this service, but it's not something I'm worrying about yet.

Net Nanny is famous for their amazing PC protection. They block profanity, sites, and other icky things your kids shouldn't be allowed to see. They're now extending that coverage to mobile devices, and I think I'm going to be calling my sister very soon. She bought my 11 year-old niece and my 7 year-old nephew those Playstation phones for Christmas, and I think that they would benefit from a service that keeps them off sites that could potentially lead a creepy Pedo-bear to their door. Also, I cuss like a sailor and my niece follows me on Twitter. I would rather her not see those posts if it can be avoided even though she knows me for exactly who I am.

LELO Massagers

Something about Sense Motion and Sense Touch... whatevs. They still look like a vibrator from The Jetsons. They're fancy, nicely executed upper class vibrators. Enjoy the power!

ClarityOne Audio

Apparently they produce sound so pure, it'll blow you..r mind. Okay, I'm down. You come blow me.. away and I'll set you up for a new review. But, for now, here's what I've got for you:

 Your design? Did you collab with LELO during the design process? I'm not even kidding. Ear Dildos. Your advertising? Come on, if you really had a good, solid product, you wouldn't be producing soft porn to get the word out.

Now, like I said, if you come blow me, we'll talk about maybe giving you a fucking mulligan. For now, this is where we stand. I am not impressed. My dollar store ear buds entice me more. They were three bucks, and they make sound go into my ears and not the room. Problem solved.

USB 3.0 Optical Repeater Over Fiber

Okay, Newnex, if you send me one of these for free, I will be your slave. Forever.

I love everything about USB 3.0. It's one of the coolest things I ever got for my computer. But, like they said, I can't do much with the 2 feet of cable I was supplied.


Up to, but not limited to 100 meters, 200 meters, the moon. Okay, not sure it'll go that far, but who knows? My mind? It is blown. I've nerdgasmed over this since I first heard about it. I can't imagine how amazing it will be when I finally have my hands on it. This is one of my favourite products from this year's CES. It's a practical solution to a common problem, and I'm thinking it won't be too overly-expensive. I paid about $200 for my USB 3.0, so I'm thinking for something like this, I will be saving up around $350. Money well-spent if I get amazing 3.0 without being chained down.


VPulse by Velodyne

These things? They seem like a whole lot of effort for ear buds. But after watching the press pitch and seeing some floor coverage, I came to realize that these might just be some of the coolest ear buds I've ever seen. I may even find myself ordering a pair when I can.

The feature an aluminum driver housing for distortion reduction. I like this. Most ear buds sound like your annoying neighbors Honda. You know, the one with the tailpipes from Walmart that make it sound like a really pissed-off bee in a tin can? Well, these will sound more like a regular pair of headphones. I can't always carry a pair of Beats around with me, so these would be nice for on-the-go music sessions.

They have noise reduction built-in and two sets of different sizes of ear pieces. For someone like me, who has a toddler, a husband, and oddly-shaped ears, these two features alone make me pull out my debit card and hit the "add to cart" button.

They come in funky colours and the ear pieces are black or white gel material (I'm assuming it's a gel-like material). They look comfy and they're pretty much custom ear buds for everyone. Add in the flat cord and super nice travel case, and I'm picking express shipping and hanging out around the door until they get here.

Sensics Smart Goggles with the power of Android

Please, just google the shit out of these babies. I can't even put my feelings into words. I'm sure that there are flaws, but my GOD they're pretty.

Zienon Touch-Free Gesture Control Technology

If you want to feel like a Jedi, get this shit installed in your house ASAP. Want to turn your lights on and off just by flipping your fingers around? This is your product. Want to possibly go through a divorce because you start talking like Vader or Yoda every time your spouse turns around, because oh-my-fucking-god it's amazing? Get this.

And this, my friends, ends my list of products that are awesome, and not-so awesome. I got most of my info from doing some mad-crazy Google stalking and cesweb.org. I recommend doing some research of your own, checking out Spike TV and G4TV sites, and What's Trending. There is so much bad ass tech coming out this year, I am pretty sure my husband thinks I'm a loser. I spend our random phone conversations recapping, and like I blogged about earlier this week, I'm pretty sure he may be asking me to not to touch him with my nerd germs.

CES 2012 has been like nerd porn for me. When I haven't been swamped with work and school drama and motherhood, I've been glued to the coverage. I want to chuck all our stuff out the window and buy all the new tech! I want to spend my life holding hands with some of this stuff. I drool in excess. I'm totally in love with how far we've come and what's going to be the new standard this year.

This is obviously going to be a year of breakthrough tech and a whole new ballgame. I just hope you don't have to be a billionaire to afford being with the times.

DISCLAIMER: I didn't add in pictures and videos for everything because I'm a bitch. I am teasing you so you'll go check this shit out for yourself. Enjoy the techno-blue balls! :)


  1. Wonder what Apple is going to announce after CES...

    Now THAT'S Techno Blue balls!

  2. I'm not really an Apple girl.. I have my iPod, and it's not even a touch. They suck. I have my iPod Classic with 160GB of sweet, sweet storage. I'm more of an Asus girl.. Their Republic of Gamers laptops make my life. Plus, their new tablets are sick as hell.