26 January 2012

I Don't Like Your Dress, But I Did The First Time I Saw It

I've been to so many weddings in the past 5 years that I can't even count them anymore. I'm at that age where everyone is getting married, and most of them are doing it big.

Big or small, they've all had one thing in common: The dress. That dress up there, to be exact. Same colours, same dress, almost the exact same veil, and the same bridesmaid dresses to match.

My wedding wasn't big, and I didn't have a dress. Hell, I hadn't even washed my hair yet that day. We got married when Husband got a few minutes off his shift, in a tiny room up a dirty staircase in downtown Waikiki. Hooray Military weddings! We got there just in time to wait in a growing line, and got out of there just in time to make it to the closest McDonald's to grab his lunch. I wore a gorgeous jean skirt by Aeropostale, a tank top from Hollister, and a great custom jacket from Cafepress. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.

No, it wasn't the most fancy wedding, nor the most traditional, but it was mine. It was unique and special. I'm pretty sure no one else in the history of ever will have my "dress" because that jacket? It was one-of-a-kind. That makes me feel pretty okay with skipping the white dress and the reception.

Before you go bitching at me, let me explain my disdain for this dress so maybe you can understand where I'm coming from.

If I had worn a dress, and if I had had a wedding that was all match-y and decorated, I would've gone for something that was original. I don't want to look back at my wedding pictures and notice that ALL MY FRIENDS had the exact same dress and colours as I did. That would make me feel weird. We don't match on a daily basis, why would we want to match on the most wonderful day of our lives?

Isn't anyone noticing that for every ten weddings they go to, they're going to nine carbon copies, including their own? Doesn't that bother anyone? There are a thousand dresses with pickup skirts and satin fabric and sashes in millions of colours. Do you all have to wear the exact same one, with the exact same shade of red?

And, for the record, it's kind-of crappy to make your friends lie to you. When you ask me "Don't you just totally LOVE my dress?!", from now on, I'm going to tell you no. I'm sorry, but if I tell another person I do, I'm going to hang myself from my own tongue. I shouldn't have to lie. At this point in time, if I saw the ugliest dress ever made, and it was on my friend, and they asked me how I like it, if it was different than that dress up there, I would think it was the most amazing piece of shit ever. Because, despite the trends, they went with a dress that was unique and fit their personality.

That dress up there? It's not for everyone. I've seen a lot of weddings where the dress looked awful and the bride looked just miserable in it. However, her friends? They loved it. You could tell they were the ones who picked it out. They see the trends, and they make decisions based on what's hot, not what's special. I've even seen this dress recreated into bridesmaid dresses or prom gowns.


When you try on a dress and you're standing up on that platform, staring into the mirrors, turning and twirling, don't look at the dress like a fashion statement. Please, for the love of all your photos and memories, look at that dress like it's an expression of yourself; like that dress is going to be on you forever and it's the last thing you'll ever put on. Would you want to look just like everyone else for the rest of your life?

Probably not.

I realize I sound awfully mean, and full of hate. I am full of hate.. for that dress. I sat here for a few minutes and tallied up the times I've either seen it in person, or seen someone's wedding pictures, and the count comes to 140. Yes, I'm completely serious. And the saddest part? at least 90% of those times, the girls know each other.

I liked the dress the first time I saw it; I liked the red pop in the sea of black and white. Now? I wish someone would've picked blue, green, pink, yellow, orange, cream, grey -- SOMETHING DIFFERENT. How about some gunmetal grey? What if you go with some deep purples and blues? Have some bright pink?

Anything? Anyone?

Whatevs, it's your wedding. I would suggest making it actually your wedding, but if you want me to come and say how much I love your dress, or the colours you chose, don't expect me to go crazy for something I've seen before -- so many times I'm just plain sick of it.

Where's the open bar? I need enough tequila in me to not rant on-stage about your cookie cutter wedding.

1 comment:

  1. You are so funny. This is why I love you so much. I tried to find my dream dress, in fact I did find it. However, because of my thyroid, when I went to go buy it, it didn't fit anymore & I looked pregnant. It was last minute so my mom & I ran to davids. I am sure 90 billion other woman wore my dress too. However it looked good on me and made me feel like snow white. No one picked it out, it was just one of like 50 dresses in my size at the time that I was throwing on just to find something. Oh and can we rant about dress sizes? Cause if you ever go try any on, you will see what I mean. It was rediculous. My brides maids however, did not go matchy matchy. I told them all to buy a black dress, preferrably not long. Each of their dresses was their own & they can wear them again. I always loved black & white but you should have HEARD how many arguments I got from everyone cause I wasn't doing the wedding colors or making them wear the same style. I wanted my girls comfortable and not wasting 500 bucks on something they would throw away later. Personally my dress doesn't make me cringe even though it wasn't my style or unique. It was also only 400 bucks. Yay me. What I HATED was my hair. Ugg. I spent so long growing it out and when it came to the wedding day it didn't want to do ANYTHING. My mom hated my make-up because it wasn't how I normally did it. It doesn't bother me. My skin looked like silk. That dress through... omg it was heavy & tight. I thank gods I didn't wear the corset under it too, I would have died.