13 September 2010

Look Mother, I'm Falling: A Piece of A Whole

Please remember that everything I post that I've written sans poetry are only pieces of a larger work.
If you get lost, it's okay... they're also the unedited versions... deal with it.

... Look Mother, I'm falling.

Deeper and deeper into this hollow of a black hole.
This expanse of nothingness.
I can feel the darkness consume me.
There is no room for life.
For light.
No need.
It is serene now in this no where place.
The dark is so cool...

I may never recover.
I may never return...

The abyss may become my home.
I may never see life again.
I may never feel light kiss my skin.

There is no need.
For I am left with nothing.

This hollow...
Is so real.
So very vibrant in its darkness...

My heart...

or something like that...
Who fucking knows?

Maybe I am crazy.
Maybe they're right.

Maybe SHE'S right...
Mommy dearest may be correct in assuming I have lost it.
Fucking bitch.
She has no clue.

It's Wednesday.
He hasn't called since Friday.
He's trying to kill me, you know...
I saw him.

Watching me, waiting for his chance, stalking my eyes to see when I would look away...

He thinks I am crazy.
He thinks I love him.
What does he know?

Fucking prick.

Mommy dearest may be right.
I may have lost it...

I should dye my hair.
Cut it.
Cut myself...
I need to do something. I need to change somehow... I am so tired of how I look now. Too thin.

Too thin...
Too fat.
Too brunette.

I think I should cook something with chicken for a nice dinner.
I think I should invite him, even though he hasn't called.
Fucking bastard.

He's trying to kill me, you know...
I told my shrink.
He thinks I have lost it.

What does he know?
He's so one dimensional.
He doesn't ever think I could be right.

I think I love him.
He's good to me.
He gets paid to be good to me.

Sunday I will do the crossword.
I will have bagels.
I will have lots and lots of juice.
Not orange.

Orange juice is the government's way of brainwashing...
They do that so they get you when you're young and stupid and will drink it because that's what you're supposed to do.

I still think he's trying to kill me.

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